I stopped running Essays W/ SA somewhere around 2019 when I was homeless.
It was time for my life to slow down and oddly, I thought that if I wrote a million articles then I would somehow create a living off of my “work.” Yes, art is a discipline, a lifestyle, and a past time but it is not work. Art does not guarantee stability. I told my mother, over and over again, “I can pay my rent with my articles, please believe me..” but no readers would click my links to see just what I was publishing so — rent went unpaid and I ended up in my car.
When I came up with Essays, I was still in college studying creative writing, I hadn’t stepped a single foot out into my adult life and I was learning just how to begin pay rent. I ran Essays with my heart, not my logical brain so many of my articles were trash — nothing more than tangents.
I sucked at finding the right audience, I lost a lot of readers. The more I wrote the articles, trying to convince people things I was telling myself, the more I felt like I was digging a hole further and further into my writing career.
Then finally, I came to the realization that no matter how hard I worked in fast food, in warehouses, as a soldier, or even in the doctor’s office — I am always going to be a writer, by birth right, and someday my words would pay the bills alongside my other means of income.
Please, don’t try to make Medium your fulltime — you will end up in your car.
I wasn’t raised like most other people, I was a weird child — the kind of child you didn’t really have to punish because I would read Edgar Allen Poe, Toni Morrison, and even Charles Dickens on my own. I required intense English classes that expanded upon character development, settings, and plots. I needed to feel important by always expanding my vocabulary so at the age of 10 I was breathing lines from Tales of Two Cities. Fiction is second nature to me. But, unemotional working — now that is a skill I had to perfect as a young adult.
Every class from my first degree, and yes, I mean ‘first’ because I’m pursuing another one, said to feel. You have to feel the words, feel the work, feel the moments you are writing about in order to become inspired — this will gain more readers, and no matter how authentic you are your work is going to pay your bills because your talent will sell. Bullshit.
You know what sells? Having other things to do aside from being a writer.
This is the portion of living as an artist that they don’t tell you in class.
A good writer has to have a vivid imagination, active lifestyle, and charisma. As a person that was hiding in a maroon colored cardigan and tights behind the laptop, I was none of those things. I was boring with an imagination that was limited since I had very few experiences, I was beginning to gain weight due to all of the sad feelings I had wrapped around characters, my personality was bland.
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Today, I have grown in so many ways. I have experienced a plethora of people and I have come to the realization that the best writers travel, often. These are the kinds of writers who live life on the edge and their words are a reflection of that. So, when I tell you all that I neglect these articles — it’s only to make them better because I believe the right audience will find me, no more digging through countless trash forums trying to find readers. No, no, quality is rare — so you stumble on it like diamonds in the sand.
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